BOOM, Headshot!
by apocalypse later
Summary: There was only so much M-21 could take, so far he could be pushed. The time had come. The stars were right. Tao would know exactly what had hit him, and it was a bullet. Several, in fact.
1. Chapter 1

**warnings:** Crack, OOCness, general stupidity and a complete lack of regard for canon timelines. Not to be taken orally/seriously.

**a/n:** I sincerely apologize for the contents of this fic, and to everyone who's waiting for my others to update. But then, if you're not in this fandom, why are you reading it?

**x**

**BOOM, HEADSHOT!**

**x  
**

**Chapter 1: _Damn Frankenstein._  
**

First there was Han Shinwoo. Han Shinwoo and Woo Ik-Han, to be precise, because where one led, the other was likely - in M-21's lamentably growing experience - to follow.

He hadn't paid that much attention at first, of course, merely picking up the beginnings of an intense rivalry from the children's babbled conversation, and it wasn't as if it _mattered_. Not when there were dishes to be done, anyway.

Damn Frankenstein.

Then the rest of the kids got involved - the human ones anyway, and Raizel, and at that point they were in the computer room more often than at the table, playing some video game that led to Frankenstein twitching dangerously whenever one of the boys laughed over Raizel's unerring ability to wander into a line of fire.

Not, of course, that M-21 found that secretly entertaining or anything, if only for the scientist's reactions. Really. (He'd take his victories where he found them.)

Then Regis and Seira had somehow started playing rather than watching, and - and suddenly, it had come into the _household_. Properly.

And then M-21 had _had _to start paying attention.

"Tao-hyung would be _amazing_ at _Golden Dawn_," Ik-Han had chirped, looking at Tao with with half-pleading, half-adoring eyes that M-21 (with aforementioned growing experience) translated as 'Help me, far-more-talented hacker, Shinwoo keeps kicking my ass and mocking me for it'.

"Aha, well, you're probably right," replied Tao, tone blatantly immodest - who did he think he was fooling? - grinning as he attempted to steal a piece of chicken from M-21's plate. M-21 gave the usual response - stabbing casually at the encroaching hand with his chopsticks - and Tao nonchalantly retreated, aiming for a less violent target's meal (Takeo's). Everyone pretended not to notice. "All the same, I don't think it would be that fair, if I were to play." He shot Ik-Han an apologetic, slightly indulgent look that M-21, with even more ease, translated as '_I want to play, give me a reason, nownownow, let me shoot things and prove __how awesome I am_'.

And people said _he_ had emotional issues.

_Ha._

Ignoring the annoyed look Takeo shot him as his food transferred itself to Tao's mouth (his own fault for being too nice), M-21 half-listened to the conversation, preferring to focus on the meal. Seira was an excellent cook after all, and it was pleasant to have something other than ramen, which was what Frankenstein usually served up when Seira was unable to cook, to 'please his master'.

Damn Frankenstein.

And damn his surprisingly delicious ramen.

"Why are you glaring at your food?"

M-21 slipped all expression off his face and glanced at Tao, who was tilting his head, staring at him curiously. _I was wishing it was ramen_. No. He'd never admit it. "... No reason."

"... Right." Tao considered this for a moment, before aiming a chopstick for M-21's plate.

"_Tao!_"

"You weren't eating it! Just let- _ow_!"

"No stabbing each other with wooden implements," Frankenstein said cheerily. "_Or I will find something sharper_."

Tao promptly left M-21's plate alone. If the pair of them hadn't suddenly lost their appetites, M-21 might have considered that a victory.

Damn Frankenstein.

"You're kind of scary, Chairman," Shinwoo commented happily, lounging back from his own, finished meal. "Okay, who's going to play _Golden Dawn_?" Eyes narrowing, he grinned, clapping his hand together. "Sorry, I mean, who's going to get _completely owned_ by me?"

As it turned out, it was every single one of the human children, Raizel, Regis _and_ Seira.

And as M-21 was smugly pleased to overhear Regis muttering later in the day (after all the dishes had been done, _damn __Frankenstein_), this was just getting _embarrassing_.

Well, Shinwoo might have been lording his successive victories in some ridiculous game over the others, but it certainly wasn't M-21's problem.

Until Tao.

**xxx**

M-21 liked Tao. Honestly, he did. As a comrade, colleague, housemate and - yes, even as a friend. Just because he wasn't the most demonstrably emotional of the trio (read: he was an emotionally-stunted, socially-incapable jackass) didn't mean he didn't care about Tao and (usually) enjoy his company.

He wasn't entirely sure _why_ this was so, but it was, and M-21's current working theory - that any day now, he'd be diagnosed as an insane masochist - was becoming more and more likely.

Anyway.

The fact was that as much as he (inexplicably) liked having Tao around, he was wary of having Tao's _attention_. Sometimes it was beneficial, sometimes it didn't much matter, and sometimes - well, sometimes it led to masks. And codenames. And Ye-Ran ice-cream parties.

M-21 quickly shunted that particular memory into the part of his mind entitled _Memories to be Repressed_, wondering vaguely how it had escaped, and then suddenly couldn't remember what he'd been thinking about. Tao, and codenames and... ice-cream? Never mind.

The point was that when Tao was slinking up to you with that cheshire cat grin on his face, eyes _actually sparkling_ (how did that even work?) and body containing that excited, barely-controlled tremor that screamed, 'I have an idea and despite how much you'll hate it I'm going to talk you into doing it anyway, because I'm the amazing Tao and you're all my bitches' - well, that was a sign to get out of there.

Fast.

Unfortunately, M-21 couldn't, because he was currently assigned to dusting the lounge, and if he attempted to flee his homeowner-given duty, Something Terrible would happen. Every now and then, he still woke-up, wide-eyed and sweating from the memory of Frankenstein's last punishment, the milkbone and the squeaky toy etched indelibly onto his mind, unable even to be forced into his Repression section.

Damn Frankenstein.

Oh, right. So there was Tao. Tao, obviously with a capital-p Plan, backed up with a genius intellect, a decent serving of sadism and the kind of personality that, unrestrained by his IQ, would have him pressing every button in Frankenstein's lab to see what it did. And would probably find it hilarious from the afterlife if one of said buttons succeeded in blowing up half the country (which M-21 didn't find inconceivable).

Why did he like him, again? Ah, yes. Masochism.

Oh, and he'd been staring suspiciously at Tao's still, observant figure for three minutes now, without actually moving or saying anything. Hm. Time to pretend he was a sane, rational ex-human being.

"... This isn't a staring contest, Tao."

"You started it."

Yeah. Masochism. It was the only explanation.


	2. Chapter 2

**warnings: **This took a while, which I blame on my laptop being broken, my job being lost, and space-aliens (spot the odd one out). In other news, this is yet again filled with OOCness, crack and general stupidity. Huzzah. Also, this new image feature is awful, and this entire chapter is... talking. Double huzzah.

**x**

**BOOM, HEADSHOT!**

**x**

**Chapter 2: '**_No' is not an option._

"Hey," said Tao, finally blinking. The fact that he was making sounds with his mouth clued M-21 in that deep shit was approaching, fast. "You know that game the kids are playing?"

It would be wonderful to deny all knowledge, but that would just lead to Tao giving him a twenty minute lecture on the subject just to punish him for lying. Tao _always_ knew - he was probably a mind-reader.

What a terrifying thought.

M-21 shrugged slightly. "Mm."

There was a brief pause, wherein Tao presumably waited for a more detailed response, before accepting that was all he was getting. "Okay, well - I'm going to be helping Ik-Han out a little, because, y'know," Tao grinned and started preening, "how could I turn down Ik-Han in need?" He folded his arms, looking undeniably smug with himself, a look M-21 was much familiar with. "I'm so good to him."

"You're a saint," M-21 muttered.

Tao nodded. "I know. In any case!" He beamed, reaching out to grasp at M-21's shoulder with spindly fingers, before promptly darting in to slouch at his side. Clearly the frontal attack hadn't been working. "Seeing as I'm going to be training Ik-Han in how to be a fraction as awesome as I am, I'm going to have to be spending a _little _more time at Ik-Han's place. You don't mind picking up my housework for me, right?"

Ignoring the (probably meant to be devilishly charming) grin that was directed at him, M-21 snorted. "Like Hell. You barely even have any in the first place, don't ditch your work on me." Then he shoved Tao's hand off his shoulder - carefully, because the freak-outs Tao threw when M-21 or Takeo chipped his nail-polish in spars weren't suited for human hearing.

Tao's face fell. It was like kicking a puppy. A puppy that lived off sugar and rainbows and carefully-applied sadism. And bizarre internet memes.

"You're... not going to help me?" The look Tao gave M-21, turning his head up to stare mournfully into the elder's face, was so full of Despair and Betrayal that if M-21 were only slightly less of an antisocial asshat, he'd have swept Tao into a bone-crushing hug and promised to help him do everything short of gluing Frankenstein's hair to Ye-Ran's front gates.

Fortunately, M-21 was a _completely_ antisocial asshat, and he valued his life far too much to ever mess with Frankenstein's hair.

Unless he could get away with it.

_Hmmm_...

"I'm not helping," he confirmed. Expression cold, he eyed Tao with all the _I give no shits_ power he could summon. "Do it on your own time. Or get Takeo to do it," he added, because guilty as it somehow made him feel, it was entertaining to turn Tao's focus onto their other teammate without Takeo knowing. Especially when Takeo bitched about Tao later on and M-21 got to nod knowingly and sympathize, secretly enjoying the schadenfreude.

Aah, being a dick. How fun.

Tao pouted. He'd clearly been taking lessons from Rai's fangirls. "Come on, M-21! Think of it as a mission!"

M-21 thought of it as a mission. It made his head hurt. "No."

"I'll owe you!"

_That_ gave him pause. Tao? Owing him a favor? For the important things - looking up the M-series files, investigating the Union, trolling Wikipedia articles with blatantly incorrect information - that was part of being a team. Tao would do it without question (and usually without asking, either. If the 'Werewolf' Wiki page insisted on werewolves all being big-busted, female vegetarians who could only be 'cured' by a kiss, _one more time_, M-21 would hurt him. Severely.)

But minor favors? Tao wasn't so generous with _those_.

M-21 eyed him, wary. "What _kind_ of favor?"

Tao didn't, thankfully, respond with anything involving the word 'sexual'. M-21 was honestly surprised he'd missed the opportunity, considering the accidental target he'd painted on himself that time. "Any kind! Name it."

"No more masks."

That didn't even necessitate a pause. "Ha, nice try. I don't hate housework _that _much."

"Oh?" M-21 arched an eyebrow, staring down at him. "So you're admitting you're doing this just because you hate housework?"

_That_ got a pause. "Ik-Han needs me," Tao stated, shifting the subject. "Don't abandon him in his hour of need!"

"I'm not. I'm abandoning _you_."

The kicked-puppy look returned. "You hate me."

"Wha-? No. You can't guilt me into this."

The kicked-puppy look became several puppies which had been repeatedly kicked and then drowned. Funnily enough, that was exactly what M-21 wanted to do to Tao at the moment. "No."

"You have no heart."

"I've had two," M-21 asserted, expression studiously blank. "I also have a functional brain, which says if you don't give me _something_, I won't help. So unless you have an offer...?"

"Fine." Tao sighed, then perked up slightly, a movement most people wouldn't notice. "Don't worry, M-21 - I'll _throw you a bone_... Hey, don't go! I'm sorry, okay? No more dog jokes!"

M-21 ignored him. He'd only dusted half the lounge, after all, and Frankenstein would be home from the school meeting in just twenty min- oh God, he'd turned into a housewife.

Somewhere, M-24 was laughing at this. That traitor.

While M-21 tried to incinerate the furniture with his eyes - something that wasn't within his power, no matter what Tao's cheerily edited werewolf Wikipedia articles said - Tao slithered up behind him like some kind of sanity-dissolving ooze.

"I won't call you Number 3 for a month."

"... Six months. And no masks."

Tao snorted. "_Two_ months, and the mask stays."

"Then it looks like we're at an impasse." M-21 stared down at the duster in his hand (it was _pink_), then at Tao (who was even less manly than a pink duster, sometimes. But considering M-21 regularly spent time in a hot pink apron and gloves, he'd keep quiet).

It was Tao's turn to fold his arms, idly tapping a finger against the opposite limb's bare forearm. "You're asking for a lot, M-21."

He shrugged. "I do enough of the damn chores anyway. If you want me to do more..." He trailed off.

They stared at each other - Tao's eyes judging, considering, analyzing, making and pruning and abandoning a dozen plans; M-21's eyes... being all stare-y and not setting things on fire.

"Still not a staring contest, Tao."

"You have a great poker face, you know that?"

M-21 stared more.

"_Fine_." Tao sighed, slouching a little and rubbing his forehead. "Three months of no codenames, and no masks unless it's an emergency."

"... You wouldn't make us wear them except in an emergency anyway, would you?"

"Uh - no! No, of course not!" He laughed, a little maniacally, eyes flicking to the side, before slapping the topic away. "So, what do you say?" Tao grinned at him, expression saying, _How could you possibly refuse me?_

_Like this,_ said M-21's. "Six months."

Tao scowled. "It's only going to take me a few days to impart my brilliance to Ik-Han, maybe a week. I'm not asking for much."

That was a good point. If he pissed Tao off... Well, the guy could bear a grudge like no-one's business. M-21 didn't want to end up with a neon mask and a theme song, thanks.

And then inspiration struck.

Tao was amenable to deals - Tao was always eager to come out with a win, and this conversation clearly wasn't going his way. How much would Tao be willing to give up to feel like he'd come out on top?

"If I do all your housework," M-21 said slowly, mind filled with a beautiful vision of the future, "_permanently_... will you stop with the masks and codenames completely?"

The look he received said he was an idiot. "No!" Then Tao paused, considering. "You'd do all my chores, just to get out of it?"

"It's a possibility."

Tao was obviously - _obviously_ - thinking, expression distant as he brushed a finger against his chin. "You couldn't leave RK-4. I won't let you."

Well, _that_ was creepy. Still, M-21 had only minor objections to the general idea of RK-4. It would be like bitching about a papercut while you were missing your intestines. Or in this case, your entire sense of dignity and self-worth.

"Just drop the mask and the codename. That's all I'm asking." Then he added, because he wasn't an idiot, "And no costumes or whatever else you have ideas for."

Tao sulked for about three seconds, before reverting back to thinking-mode. "Takeo and Regis?"

"They can make their own deals." There were times to help your team, and there were times to save yourself and abandon everyone else to be eaten by metaphorical piranha. This was the latter.

"Wow. You're kind of a ruthless ass. I'm impressed!" Tao beamed, shooting him a quick thumbs-up. "I'm going to hold that over your head, you realize."

M-21 shrugged. "I guessed. So?"

Ignoring him, Tao tapped his chin thoughtfully, then fixed his gaze upon his noble and self-sacrificing comrade. Or he would have, but Takeo and Regis weren't around, so he settled for looking at M-21. "I can't do it," he said, apologetic.

Alerts in M-21's head screamed **TRAP**.

"Why not?"

Tao sighed, holding his arms wide. "I just can't! The masks, the codenames -" He turned his eyes to the ceiling, almost beseechingly. "They're too important to me! I just can't do it exchange for a measly bit of housework." And then - then he ducked his head down slightly, tilting it and there was just a _hint_ of a smirk at the corner of his mouth, his eyes all innocent and promising trouble. "Unless."

He couldn't. He _shouldn't_. But he did.

M-21 took the bait.

"Unless _what_?"

Tao _smiled_.

"Let's not make a deal," he invited. "Let's make a _bet_."

This was, M-21 was fairly sure, going to be a very bad idea. He must have lost his mind to ask for details. He was certain it was a bad idea when Tao laid out the requested information. And he was definitely, positively, absolutely crazy to agree to the bet, because it was _insane_. Yes, Tao had cajoled and insinuated and pleaded and flattered and pissed him off, fine-tuning his emotions to exactly the correct state needed to agree to this stupidity, but it was still _insane_.

He shouldn't have done it.

But he did.

So now he stood, mind off-kilter and blinking in confusion at what had just happened as Tao bounced merrily away, leaving him alone in the lounge with his new stress-toy, Pink Duster.

And then Frankenstein walked in. To the half-cleaned lounge.

_Fuck_.


	3. Chapter 3

**warnings:** OOCness, crack and general stupidity. If you haven't noticed this yet, you have problems. And by the RK-4 references, this obviously happens before Tao attempts suicide via recruiting Frankenstein (and Seira).

**x**

**BOOM, HEADSHOT!**

**x**

**Chapter 3: **_Counting on a guy to have your back just means they can stab it more easily._

"You're screwed," Takeo said. Blunt, but probably true.

M-21 scowled. "I don't even know why I agreed." He rubbed his forehead slightly, in hopes that the twinge of an approaching headache would go away.

"Because he's Tao." Yet again; blunt, but certainly true.

Ignoring that explanation, M-21 focused his attention on the print-outs. He was no genius, but he hadn't survived so long by being an idiot either, and part of his survival skills included a decent memory and good preparation skills.

Except when he got bored and decided to kidnap/terrify children, anyway.

Look - everyone needs a hobby, okay? Besides, he'd stopped that, fun as it had been. (There was no way he'd mention that last part in front of anyone, especially Rai or Frankenstein. Score one for the survival skills.)

_Golden Dawn_ wasn't an overly complicated game; he wasn't anywhere near an expert on video-games, but this seemed fairly easy. A range of weaponry, a range of maps, and a group of players running around said maps, attempting to complete a previously decided objective.

In this case, killing each other.

The words 'first-person shooter', 'deathmatch' and 'last man standing' were explanation enough.

"You're screwed," Takeo repeated, his tone suggesting he was trying to break the news to M-21 gently. "It's _Tao_." He could have gone on about Tao's reflexes, tactical genius and expertise with computer systems of all kinds, but there was really no point. They both knew what '_it's Tao_' meant.

It meant that, as Takeo was trying to hammer into M-21's skull, he. Was. Screwed.

M-21 snorted. "I'm not just going to give up before I even try."

Takeo gave a slight shrug, taking a sip of his coffee rather than responding. It was, M-21 suspected, a great deal more polite than the other possible reply, which consisted of 'So you're just going to fail miserably instead'.

"No more mask," he said, as if trying to convince himself. "No more ridiculous codename. It's worth it."

Frowning for a moment, Takeo settled back on the couch. "What about the rest of us?"

"I tried," M-21 lied, face solemn. "He insisted it only applied to me."

"M-21..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not an idiot."

"... No hablo coreano." Ha! There was no way this could fai-

"Buena intento." _Crap_.

Mission: Divert Takeo's Attention. _Initiate!_ "Anyway, I need to win this. I only have three days to learn the game well enough to be the last one standing, and then I'm out of RK-4 for good." Dropping his usual emotionlessness, M-21 shot the papers a death-glare. "As long as I can take care of Shinwoo, Ik-Han and Tao, it won't be a problem."

Takeo's cocked his head to the side, staring at M-21 questioningly. "You don't think anyone else will be a threat?"

"Who else _could_ there be?" He shrugged. "I'll find some way to convince Regis and Seira to not play seriously."

"No-one _else_?" Takeo stressed.

M-21 paused, then shot a look across the lounge, to where Rai sat, sipping (so elegantly!) his tea, ignoring the pair. "I... don't think he'll be a problem." Not with an average twenty-second survival rate per game, anyway.

"M-21. I'm talking about myself."

_Danger. Danger._ "You're - you're not going to help?" That traitor! M-21 was so proud. Or he would have been, if this didn't put him at a disadvantage.

Folding his arms, Takeo stared at him with an impression M-21 identified as 'man frustrated but not overly angry with new puppy crapping on his carpet for the fifth time', which did somewhat fit the situation. Sometimes he was grateful there were so few things that riled the guy. "If you win, Tao ups the craziness with the rest of us to make up for it. If you lose, he'll focus on making _your_ life hell for trying to get out of RK-4, ignoring the rest of us. So what do you think _I'm_ aiming for?"

"... Getting me killed." _You bastard,_ he didn't say.

Takeo gave a slow clap, because apparently he was even better at being an asshole than M-21. Then he smiled, which upped the Asshole-o-meter by about ten points. "Sorry." He didn't sound it.

Eyes narrowed, M-21 leaned forwards. "_This_ is your revenge for not cutting you in on the deal?"

"It's either that or hitting you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper," Takeo answered calmly, which was a response M-21 would have expected from Tao, or possibly Frankenstein. Was being a complete prick contagious, or something? "Don't think I don't realize you tried to leave the rest of us in as your sacrificial lambs. You screw with us, I'll screw with you right back."

His tone brooked no argument - M-21 was past caring. "That's your final answer."

Takeo's eyes narrowed right back. "Yes. It _is_. In fact, I'm going to talk to Tao and see if I can't get the same deal for mys_elf._"

Teeth bared, M-21 crushed down a snarl, the urge having become far too familiar these days. "Then-"

_Clink_.

They froze. Heads turning as one to face where Rai gently (and still so elegantly!) placed the cup down on his table. A shaft of light positioned itself to cast his features into perfect view, emphasizing the (unutterably perfect) planes and details of his face, because that was the kind of thing that just _happened_ around him. M-21 hadn't figured it out, and didn't expect to.

"M-21," said the incomparably flawless being in question.

The two beings that were far less so paused.

"Y-yes?"

The head tilted at an angle so exquisite it defied description, and M-21 repressed the urge to flee in terror or pass out as serene, crimson eyes fixed upon him. He had the strangest feeling of impending doom, and he couldn't quite place _why_. "... Never mind."

What.

M-21's eyes flicked to Takeo's; Takeo's to M-21's. The shared question consisted of a _w_, a _t_, and an _f_.

"Uh - okay, then." Go away, impending doom-sense. There was no reason for it! "Sorry to bother you." That made no sense! _Rai_ was the one who'd spoken first. Damn it, nice job making himself look like an idiot.

Unless it _was_ his fault? Maybe he'd been speaking loudly enough that it disturbed Rai? Please let him not mention it to Frankenstein, _please_-

"M-21?" The voice interrupted. He blinked, then looked around - somehow, Tao had appeared behind the couch, giving him a bemused look. He _had to _have cat genes in him somewhere. M-21 was going to get him a bell. "Wow, you zone out a _lot_ lately. Nerves getting to you?" Then he grinned. "Or you could just_ forfeit already_~"

"I was just-" He motioned over to Rai; now calmly drinking as though he'd never spoken. "Takeo was-" Wait; where the hell had Takeo gone?

Tao nodded understandingly, and reached down to pat him on the shoulder. "It's okay. I know you're scared. But don't worry! Because once I win?" The grin returned, as did M-21 sense of impending doom. "I have some _great_ ideas to try out! How do you feel about a hot pink mask, by the way? With glitter!"

M-21 grabbed his research papers and fled with as much dignity as remained. It wasn't much.


End file.
